Cold as Tice


How in the deep blue fuck is this man employed?

0-1 , 8-9, four total points for my Jay Cutler start in fantasy, but anyone watching knew what was really wrong.
Well, if you don’t, let’s put YOU in this moron’s shoes. You have a short week, you’re off a nice win, your opponent is missing their best receiver and may psychologically be on the ropes after losing a home opener they genuinely thought they should have won. Your opponent’s defense is also led by one of the most one-dimensional and overrated outside linebackers in the history of the league, and you have a wide receiver that their secondary genuinely CANNOT cover on physical matchups alone. Whaddaya do?

Ok, you run the ball to start. You have nice backs that are complementary, yet don’t force you into one play call or another since they both do alot of the same things well despite being different body types. However, this is the NFL over here, and that’s Aaron Rodgers over there. Better yet, if there’s one defense that has contained the Packers somewhat reliably over the last three seasons, its yours. Good job. Wellll done. Now what?

You saw exactly what tonight. Absolute fucking trash. I have never seen an offensive coordinator go out of his way NOT to get his best playmaker the ball through four quarters like that. Ever. The Packers defensive backs were literally on some downs TWELVE FUCKING YARDS OFF OF BRANDON MARSHALL. All you had to do was build an audible into the runs that enables a quick out or a quick slant. JUST GET HIM THE BALL A FEW TIMES. Make their defense respect him short so you can even go deep instead of the mindless heaving I saw. Make Brandon comfortable catching in stride in a road game so he, I don’t know, DOESN’T DROP A WIDE OPEN TOUCHDOWN.

If play calling away from your strengths wasn’t bad enough (and Jay didn’t help, trust me. Showing up his O-line on national TV did him no favors, and throwing to Earl Bennett when Tramon Williams is covering him is obscene.), HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU RUN PASS PLAYS WITH NO CHECKDOWNS?!????!!?!? It’s not a mystery why Jay was getting clobbered. Nobody chipped Clay to force him behind Cutler. Every pass play was reliant on 15 yard verticals to open up. Every play sucked in the blocking back between the guard and center and never let him leak out for a safety valve.

Unconscionable! How do you not offset the pass rush? How do you not get Jay’s accuracy up by giving him easy throws? HOW do you NOT get your playmakers the ball in today’s NFL? How do you not have checkdowns, audibles, or hot reads in your pass plays? How does it happen?

How?

HOW?

They’re not a contender until further notice. You would think the man who oversaw something like this wouldn’t be working in the NFL anymore, but I was wrong. It was honestly such a poor performance that I don’t know whether to blast Cutler for his immature behavior or sympathize with him for being left for dead by his coaches.

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